I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
