watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just found puke in my bra..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
