Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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