your thong is hanging out like whoa
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
