You really coming over, don't trick.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
