I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
