Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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