phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
