Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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