I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
