His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
