She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
