I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
