Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
