the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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