I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
