porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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