I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
