I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
