never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
