where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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