ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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