How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
