dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
