I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
