That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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