he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
