I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I didn't notice because vodka
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
