I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
