Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
