It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is Oprah even human
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
