I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
