At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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