after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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