I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
