So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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