Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
