Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
did i walk over a car last night?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
