I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
