my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
