I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
