i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
