I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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