so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
