All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
