I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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