What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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