We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
