Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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