Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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