Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
