Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
