i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
