i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
